Happy New Year . . .

January 1, 2011. Happy New Year! Sounds quite heavy, almost ironic, coming from this source, doesn't it? I do truly mean for all of you to have a most wonderful, blessing-filled new year and hope that, in spite of the stuff going on on our end, you don't stop sharing with us all the wonderful, beautiful things life brings to you and your family.

Believe you me, I can hear, almost as piercing as chalk screeching across a blackboard, the painful hesitation behind so many face when I ask "what's new?" Don't hold back! Tell me, tell me! I want to hear about babies being born, about new jobs, a funny kid story, a transfer across the state or country, a graduation, a rant about an insensitive spouse, a retirement, death in the family, your garden, a new kitchen remodel—all of it! It's LIFE, people!!! SHIT HAPPENS!!!! GOOD AND BAD!!!! Your stories help to instill, ingrain, reinforce, solidify in me the hope and belief that life goes on, that the world carries on, despite, in spite of, in the face of adversity. . . even the mundane, petty complaints of shitty jobs, lame relationships, "why don't I have what ____ has???" kind of shit has its place. We all experience it, it's part of life. As long as you don't dwell. Seriously—mention it and move on. Wallowing in that kind of crap will result in a well-deserved bitch-slap from yours truly (sorry, Mom).

I've had a few incidents lately, maybe it's the holiday season that seems to possess peoples' brain? an eclipse of which I'm unaware? Carbon monoxide poisoning? Ice dams?—I can't quite explain the bizarre increase in frequency—but it seems many people are concerned about my "religious affiliation," in the midst of all that's been happening in our world. I use the phrase "religious affiliation," as for me, that's more what it's about, than anything. Nothing more, nothing less. It's happening in enough frequency that I finally feel a mass blog address is in order, because I'd end up with writer's cramp, if I decided to address everyone personally. . .

First of all, I am taken aback (I'm working very hard to tone down my language, peeps—New Year's resolution, you ask? No, guilt trip from my mom. Last year, I would have said fucking pissed!!!) at the audacity, the arrogance and the self-righteousness of those who have felt the "need" to tell me what to feel, how to feel, where to feel it, and such. Unbelievable, is the first word that comes to mind. No body, and I don't care what you've gone through in your life, has any idea what Bob and I have experienced, are experiencing, will be experiencing throughout this ordeal, and it is NOT YOUR PLACE TO INSTRUCT US AS SUCH. It's beyond self-righteousness, to tell anyone facing adversity what to feel, how to feel it, or what's right or wrong, in their experience. We all have our own journey to travel, we will all approach it the way that works (or sometimes doesn't work) for us, and not one single person will ever know what anyone else's path is like. Ask any parent—does simply telling your kid to do or not do something prevent it? If only it were that simple, we'd all be without flaws. A simple lesson, but amazingly, one many people fail to "get . . ."

Despite the astounding shit that Bob and I have experienced in the past year, I'd never, ever, ever be so arrogant as to tell someone else how to get through their own trials. Mainly because I'm nuts and I'd hate to be responsible for anyone else to follow suit, but on the off-chance that I might be even close to being right (whatever the hell that means), it still means nothing to someone else. We all come from different backgrounds, have vast and varied variables that color our life experiences; as such, there's no way any one experience can mirror another. Not even close. Therefore, by default, that makes no one an expert and all of us novices, in the Game of Life.

As a few of you might have inferred from the past year, I'm not a huge Bible follower (ummm.... alright, not even a tiny bit), but I did glean this lovely tidbit from a facebook friend's page, and it really struck a lovely chord with me:

‎1 John 2:4-6
4 Whoever says "I know him" but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, 5 but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: 6 whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

Basically, to me (and I could be so far off base I'm not even playing the same game anymore), this is saying: shut your damn piehole and simply DO good in the world. No ulterior motives, no other reason behind your words, actions, or thoughts than to simply do good. Don't judge, don't hate, don't compare, don't worry about or try to change others, just concentrate on YOURSELF, DAMMIT! If ALL of us could adhere to this very simple tenet, the rest of the world would take care of itself. Or maybe not. Who am I to say . . .

Perhaps that verse resonated so soundly with me is the fact that this is how Bob has lived his whole life, without a preacher or church or bible telling him to do so. Just because. He does not concern himself with anything that anyone else says, does, thinks, feels. His philosophy has always been "to each their own," and basically, "why would you go out of your way to intentionally hurt someone else?" His motives, his actions, his words, have always been pure, untainted by worries of what anyone else is doing, saying, thinking. I recall vividly, something Penny told me a while back, about him. She said that when Bob was in high school, he said that he never understood "peer pressure," because he never felt pressured to do anything or be anyone than who he was. If someone else didn't like it, who cares?

"Who cares?" Really, who does? How 'bout, if for one of our new year's resolutions, we all adopted even just a tiny bit of that philosphy of "Who cares?" And I don't mean "who cares," in an insensitive kind of way, more of a "who cares" in a less-about-the-shit-that-doesn't-really-matter kind of way . . . Maybe we'd all live just a little more fully, judge just a little less harshly, push ourselves just a little more, love just a little more purely . . . and maybe now, you understand, at least a little bit, why my heart is broken, so deeply, so intricately, so irreparably . . .

Who cares, indeed. . . HNY, peeps. . .

xxooxxo LOVE!

p.s. Oh, what about Bob, you ask? Stable, still at the U, nothing monumental to report (yeah!) . . .hemoglobin levels have been fluctuating for no apparent reason, had 2 units of blood last night, seemed to help. . . advanced to "soft diet" today—mac&cheese and clam chowder for lunch, mushroom and barley soup and a fruit plate with cottage cheese for dinner . . . looking at maybe a discharge maybe early next week, Monday or Tuesday . . . day by day . . .