Inching closer toward surgery . . .

Had Bob's pre-surgery CT scan this morning at 10, with an appointment to see his oncologist at 1:30. We haven't been to the U in a few weeks, seemed like eons since we last made the drive. The CT scan went quickly, which meant we had more than a few hours to kill before the appointment with Dr. S. I needed an oil change, and we both needed something to eat, so we headed over to Roseville, to Valvoline and for some grub.

I've been battling a nasty li'l bug for the past few days here; good ol' fashioned body aches, sore throat, fever, so tired, headachy, not much of an appetite. . . starting to sound like a cold medicine commercial. . . I've been popping a few Extra Strength Excedrin every several hours—warning, shameless product plug ahead—if you have never dried this drug, you must (man, listen to me, sounding like some kind of pusher . . .) I rarely use any medication, even OTC, but, Excedrin is the wonder drug that works wonders; ever since Penny (the original Exedrin pusher) turned me on to it years ago, I use it for all that ails me, and nothing anything else. Oh, I try the others—TheraFlu, NyQuil and the like—but they don't touch my aches and pains like the miracle-drug, Excedrin. I could write a song, extolling its virtues; gives me a few hours of reprieve from the symptoms, so I can at least half-function for part of the day. Even if it's just a placebo effect going on (which, incidentally, I've read quite a bit about lately, about it's powerful use in successfully treating a whole host of illnesses), I'll take it!

I haven't been sick like this truly in years, and have forgotten how much it sucks, and how much of a baby I can be . . . I'm feverishly (literally and figuratively) trying to keep the house as germ-free as possible as the last thing we need is Bob catching whatever bug this is I've got; lots of Clorox wiping, disinfectant spraying and hand sanitizing going on over here. I drove to the U with windows in the car open, hoping my germs would be flung out of the car as we cruised down 94W . . . nice little mental image, if nothing else . . . I'm not much help for Bob right now as I want to keep my exposure to him as limited as possible, short of moving out for a few days till this crud passes. . . I don't mean to be a big whiner, but my worst fear is that Bob'll catch this, make him very sick and force us to postpone surgery yet again. (It'd be a miracle if he doesn't catch it, because right now, I feel like Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip, walking around in a cloud of germs. I was so hoping that I was home-free in the bug-catching department with May 1/2 done . . .) That, and I just can't do much for him right now, so I feel kind of useless . . . I was just too tired and cruddy-feeling to night to make dinner; thankfully we had leftover salmon for him to heat up, along with some fruit and ice cream for desert. He's kind of having to hang out by himself because I don't want to be too close for him for too long.

I popped a few Excedrine before heading to Roseville after the CT, which held me through the next few hours; we got the oil changed, grabbed subs at Jimmy John's and still had some time to kill, so we drove to Central Park in Roseville. We found a cool patch of shade, spread out a blanket and both laid down in the park for a good half hour-45 minutes, sometimes catching little bits of zzzzz's, sometimes watching the action in the park around us, sometimes chatting a bit . . . seemed that for a Tuesday afternoon, a lot of people had the same idea we did. . . nice way to while away some extra time. . .

Got back to the U in plenty of time for the appointment with Dr. S. Not much news to share, as for now, his part in the adventure is done. He told us that according to the CT scan, the tumor appears to have grown slightly, which would account for the increased pain in Bob's leg and, in Dr. S's opinion, isn't surprising, given that Bob hasn't had chemo in several weeks now.

This appointment, like every other one we've had with Dr. S, revealed nothing spectacular, nothing even remotely uplifting, nothing even kind of, sort of resembling compassion, empathy, hope. . . nothing. I simply cannot get a good read on him—is this something we need to worry about? He doesn't seem to be . . . I still don't know why this doctor is held in such high esteem; as I think I've said before, other than pumping Bob full of toxins and nearly killing him in the process, he doesn't appear to be the "miracle worker" that several people have built him up to be. I even asked him today, again, what the point of the chemo was, if not to shrink the tumor, and what explanation could he give for Bob's tumor not responding to the chemo. He just shrugged and said that sometimes tumors don't react to chemo and left it at that. Didn't say it was good or bad, didn't react in a way that caused me to react (at least not right away), so . . .

Because I'm not feeling great, my mind wasn't firing on all cylinders, and now that I'm writing about it, all the questions I should have asked came to me now, hours after the appointment. Are there other types of chemo drugs that could have been tried, that might have worked better? Is this something to be worried about, the fact that the tumor didn't respond to the chemo? How do you know the cancer hasn't spread during this time of waiting? Will he need more chemo after the surgery . . . Guess someone'll be getting a call from me in the morning . . .

We have a few more loose ends to tie up before the tentative surgery next week. Bob still has an appointment with the general surgeon on Friday, has to get in to the cardiologists for their clearance and for instructions on getting off Plavix, and I'm sure he needs to see or at least speak with the oncology surgeon before the big day. I'm not even going to speculate on the time frame of the surgery any more, as it seems like there's so much that needs to be done yet, I don't now how it'll all happen by next week. But I'm hoping and praying we'll have that definite answer soon.

Oh! A total aside, but a huge deal I didn't want to forget to mention: Bob weighed in at a WHOPPING 122 lbs. today at his appointment! My husband finally weighs more than I do again! He doesn't think he looks very good, but I can see that his face is filled out more, that his abdomen has a little more meat to it, that his coloring is much better. I even think his hair is starting to fill in again, but that's probably expected, since he hasn't had chemo in a long while.

Okay. Need. To. Go. To. Bed. NOW!!! LOVE! to all!!!