Random musings from a madman . . .

Hey gang! Thought I'd make a quick appearance before I'm shuffled off to a secret wing of the hospital for 5 (or so) days... I don't know if I will write from the hospital, but I'm sure Jen will keep everyone up to date. By the way, I haven't yet decided if I will be taking visitors in the hospital. The first factor would be how I feel, and the second is if I have room to myself or will be sharing. Check the blog and we will let all know...
After my last visit to the docs on Thursday, some of my meds changed again: we're still tinkering with the pain issue. To be honest, I end up taking more than the doc thought I'd need, but most of the doctors tell me it's stupid to have the medicine and try to 'tough it out...' They always say "...take the damn medicine, and don't try to be a hero..." Don't get me wrong, I'm still way better off in the pain department than I was previously.
I'm able to eat almost anything I want, but often I get a little surprise when my tongue or the roof of my mouth tells me that whatever I'm eating just ain't gonna happen tonight. I am starting to really crave my favorite foods again, so that's good. I'm sure I will eat some of the food at the hospital, but I already know that Jen and my mom and dad will be "smuggling" in some meals for me. Actually, they said I do not have a restricted diet, so I can bring anything in that I want!
Regarding food - I have learned that vanilla ice cream with a bit of Hershey's chocolate syrup and a few (5-6) tablespoons of the leftover morning coffee all swished up is a great treat! I like it nice and runny - just like a cold soup!
Right now, Jen is preparing my "last meal" as I have dubbed it; creamy, bacon/potato chowder! She doubled (or tripled?) the bacon component after I encouraged her from the sidelines. "Eek - a black hair!" she just screamed! We've gotten used to picking MY hair off of our plates instead of the dogs' hair.
I still have some hair, although it's getting pretty thin and wispy. I ordered some baseball type golf hats a few days ago, but Jen picked up some 'beanie' type things yesterday. Not sure if I'll wear any of them, but they'll be ready should I go that route. I'd like to keep some hair, as I have some rather icky sores all over my scalp.
As far as Jen is concerned, the best thing that happened in the past few days is that I got a handicapped parking permit! SHE is dreaming up ways to use it on shopping binges all over the Twin Cities! I keep reminding her that I have to be along to make it valid: it doesn't work to just put it in any car out there! It is rather nice to have that. Now, I just have to worry about getting to these prized spots before some old person or some pregnant woman... in other words, it's "game on." Oh, yeah, I can 't drive. I still have to count on Jen to be rather aggressive when we see these spots!
I really wish I knew more about the next 5 days in the hospital. According to doctor, I will basically be lounging around looking for something to do, as the side effects are rather benign for this treatment. (I know - it sounds odd that they have to keep me, and then tell me I will be bored and it will be rather uneventful!?!) Part of me is a bit scared and the other part is dreading the boredom aspect of the whole thing. Well, we'll find out bright and early tomorrow! I will miss hanging out at home with Jen and will miss the dogs, too. Our house is very relaxing and beautiful in the winter - we have lots of windows which give us fantastic views of the trees and the wildlife. It's also very quiet, as we live on a dead-end street. There's nowhere else I would rather be as I recuperate. I've said it before - you can't rest in a hospital.
The docs have a schedule for me for the rest of February, but beyond that, I - nor they, at this point - know what direction we will take. I'm sure after Feb. I will have some tests to see if I need more chemo or if I can finally have surgery. YES, I am looking forward to surgery. Maybe, just maybe, it will end some of my leg issues. At least that's my hope. I've told some people that I will feel cured when they say 'everything looks good.. you're on your own now..." plus when I can partake in a round of golf, and when I can carry my camera bag out into the woods. My major concern is, of course, my life, but assuming that I'll pull through it all ok, I'm praying that I have no permanent leg/nerve damage that leaves me in the state that I'm in now. I am looking forward to working again! To going shopping. To taking the dogs on walk. To driving a car. To having a glass of wine or a nice glass of microbrew. First on my list of bigger things is a trip to Memphis to hit Graceland, but more importantly, to eat BBQ all weekend long! Anyone want to join me? Beyond that I have a lot of dreams that I want to start working on, but I'll keep those to myself at this point.
I want to once again thank all of you for the prayers, thoughts, e-mails, texts, cards, etc. It means so much to me!
My sister and I talk almost every day now: previously we talked maybe once amonth? Good can come out of bad situations! I wish she lived 'in town' here, as I would love to hang out with her. Can you move back? I know Grandpa and Grandma will help out if you decide to come back...
I also want to thank my parents who drop everything to make their way up here when I call them. Their help in getting me to appointments and bringing food has been invaluable. And just hanging out with my parents has never meant so much to me.
Mostly, however, is my thanks to Jen. Without her, this 'ordeal' would be much more difficult than it's been. She's not only my wife, she's my bestest friend in the whole world. I don't know where I would be without her.
I feel bad, as I know sometimes this is all harder on the family than it is on the person going through it.
Well, there you have it: random musings from a madman. Best wishes to you and your families for great health! We'll talk to you soon!
Bob