A little disclaimer . . .

I sincerely hope that no one ever takes personal offense to anything I write on this blog. . . it's never directed at any one person or situation specifically . . . yesterday's rant was just that, an angry rant at a whole year of events that doesn't make sense, doesn't get better, doesn't go away. . . it's what happens when I'm snowed in for hours, can't leave the house, have too much time to think about all this. Tried to keep busy, shoveling the walks, cleaning the house, but that only goes so far before the thoughts start creeping back into my li'l peabrain. The blog has become my virtual punching bag, to help me release some of the anger, sadness, fear and everything else that goes along with this big ugly mess. . .

We've traded one set of issues for a whole new set, post-surgery, thrust into new, unchartered territory—for us as well as Bob's doctors—and along with it comes a while new set of frustrations, questions, scary potential outcomes . . . and my heart is, once again, broken, seeing Bob go through yet another "set back," hearing more stuff that isn't something positive. . . Just once, I'd love to see a monumental leap forward, to hear some really great news, for someone to finally say, "Bob, you are cancer free! We know this is going to be a long road of recovery, but all the hard work is going to be worth it!!" At no point, in this year-long journey, has anyone said anything even close to that.

And now, with this new issue with the wound, the mysterious mass that's developed, brings a tsunami of new emotions. . . a whole new battery of scans, biopsies, tests, doctors, days in the hospital, questions, concerns . . . sometimes a girl's just gotta let some steam off, or she'll explode. Or maybe implode, from the sheer enormity of it all. . .

So now, gonna go let off some more steam, try to shovel and snow-blow my way outta here, so I can get to the hospital to see Bob sometime today. Hopefully before sundown . . . thanks for letting me vent, peeps. Like it or not, if you're following this blog, you too, are in for the long haul . . . and are gonna get all of it, the good, the bad and the ugly, as I see it and feel it, along the way. . .

xxoo j