Memorial Service for Bob in St. James. . .

I talked with Penny last night and after getting the details, I want to post that she and Jim are planning a memorial mass for Bob, at the St. James Catholic Church, this coming Friday, May 13, at 10:30 a.m., with a lunch to follow. Any and all are invited to attend.

St. James Catholic Church

704 South 4th Street

St. James, MN 56081

Retracing footsteps . . .

Man, when do I quit this blog . . . first, before I get all side-tracked, I want to say that I was completely and utterly bowled over and at the same time completely and utterly grateful . . . simultaneously so sick to my stomach and so appreciative . . . thankful yet utterly horrified . . . completely elated and concurrently, completely freaked out by the sight of so many people at Bob's celebration service on Friday, especially given such sort notice. So in awe of the many who were able to attend . . . so very sad for those who couldn't, as well as for those whom I had forgotten to contact due to the frenzied fog in which I now live . . . the "thank you" cards will be a work in progress, so please forgive me for the delay and accept this heart-felt preliminary thank you, from every cell of my being, for being there with us, for us, in person and in spirit . . .

If I looked like the proverbial deer in the headlights during the impromptu receiving lines (yes, lines. Not once, but twice, that day . . . thanks, peeps . . .) it was because I thought I was getting off easy—no way on God's green earth was I going to get up and speak on Bob's behalf, but I had lined up the video presentation (well, technically, my bro-in-law, Brian, lined it up; I supplied all the pics/music for it), I burned hours of Bob's music (that didn't get played in the chaos of the day), I yanked endless, precious photos from my albums for the table displays, I ran around the house gathering things I felt were part of who Bob was, what he loved, what he stood for, what was important, near and dear to him (and forgot a million and one things, in the process). . . I had a ton of help in putting it all together, but all in all, I thought I had done my part and was prepared to sit back and quietly cry during the whole shebang . . .

Then Friday came—the day of Bob's service—and before I knew it, before I could do anything about it, I was swept away in a sea of people, well-wishers (??—is that the right phrase?), old friends, new friends, colleagues, neighbors, family, strangers even, expressing condolences, sharing BobStories, giving hugs and kisses, sharing tears when words failed . . . I seriously did not expect that, in a million and one years. . . I know there were many people who didn't dare brave the endless "receiving line," and thought I don't blame you, I'm sad that I didn't get a chance to at least say "hi" . . .

And now that I've had some time to reflect on the day, I've decided I'm quite sure Bob was hovering, chuckling in a corner of the room, "I told you I didn't want you to make a big deal of this—payback's a bitch, beeyotch . . . " and yes, he called me "beeyotch." A lot. You don't want to know what I called him . . . such precious terms of endearment we had for each other . . . miss that immensely, the laughing and teasing, among a million and one other things . . .

Along with the reflections, I realized (actually, I realized this long ago, but haven't written about it till now) that many of our blog followers, along with Bob's doctors, only knew a very sick Bob. I used to carry with me, to the hospital, a little photo album full of pictures of Bob and his nature photography, and would whip it out any chance I got, when things got really bad, when doctors were being especially assholian (yup, made-up word), or just didn't seem to give a shit, when I was desperate and at the end of my line, to let them know, to see, that my husband was not just a very sick patient, not just an experiment to them but that he was first and foremost a person, a husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, who had passions, interests, a precious life . . . have to admit, it was secretly satisfying, to see the Doctors-as-God squirm, fidget, awkwardly flip through the pages, as I forced them to see Bob, at least to a tiny degree, as a person . . .

I realize that many of you, our beloved blog followers, also don't know my breathtakingly, achingly handsome, wickedly funny, witty, sharp-tongued, infuriatingly intelligent, immeasurably sensitive husband of mine . . . you probably didn't know about his insanely sexy legs (or maybe you did . . . ;), his cutest little squeezable butt (again, maybe you did . . .) or his tender, loving, expressive hands . . . or the liquid chocolate eyes that could drill down deep into your soul . . . and even if you did know any or all of this, it was likely a long time ago that you knew of these things, may have seen him or had any sort of interaction with him . . . I am desperately trying to bring that Bob back to me, with pictures, music, memories, walks at Afton, sunsets from our deck . . . enjoy the photos below (if you click on Bob's picture, it should take you to my Picasa account, where I uploaded many pics of Bob, most of which were used in the video presentation at Bob's service last Friday. . .) Please let me know if you can't access the pictures. Picasa is a new thing to me, and I'm still learning . . .

Took Rocco to Lake Elmo Park on Sunday, renewed our county park permit, went for a long, meandering walk along the trails, got there early enough to avoid many other hikers on Mother's Day. . . today, went to Afton State Park, renewed our state park permit and went on another long run/hike with Rocco. . . so many reminders of Bob along these trails. . . I can pick out specific trees, stretches of prairies, overlooks on the river, old railroad underpasses, tiny spring wildflowers that Bob, the dogs and I have passed a million and one times . . . right now, delicate hepatica are covering the woodland floor . . . also saw flashes of wild oats, swamp buttercup and bloodroot (which were nearing the end of their blooming season) . . . some of the trails at both parks are still closed due to flooding, so tread carefully, should you retrace our paths . . .

Also spent the better part of yesterday and today doing incredibly "grown-up" things, calling insurance companies, mortgage co., credit card companies, bills in Bob's name . . . brought a huge load of equipment and supplies to the Goodwill—wheelchair, commode, walker, canes—they have a "loaner program" where people in need can borrow needed equipment; they also "farm out" medical supplies to relief programs who gratefully take any and all supplies, even those opened, as the third-world countries that are in need have less than nothing and are okay with an opened box of Band-Aids, unlike the rest of the "developed world," with our government-sanctioned, utterly excessive OSHA shit, which adds to the astounding waste and expense of our medical system . . .

In some ways, I feel like I'm slowly wiping Bob out of my life, with every phone call, every effort to do the "grown up" thing, but in a bigger way, I know he's so much more than a bank account, a name on a mortgage or car loan. . . maybe by clearing the clutter, with a walk in a park, I can finally find my way back to Bob. . .

xxoo

Music from Bob's Celebration of Life service . . .

Okay, so no one warned me there'd be a never-ending receiving line before and after Bob's service . . . guess I didn't get the "Memorial Service" memo . . . kept hearing over and over, all day, "You're so strong! Can't believe how strong you are!" No, I was completely and utterly taken by surprise (read: in shock) by the whole thing (and still am) and wanted to throw up for three hours straight (read: because a couple hundred people, give or take, were able to be with us, and share in the sadness, the celebration, the sorrow, the memories—about, with, for, over, because of, and any other prepositions applicable to—Bob, on such short notice), but kept swallowing, hard . . . which is why the music I had so wanted to play during the lunch that followed the service never happened . . .

Afterward, I was (and still am, and will be, till the end of time) so very sad for a million and one reasons, one being that, next to photography, music was such a big part of Bob's life, and I wanted to share at least a little part of that with everyone, too . . . I mean, it's not every day you go to a funeral and get to hear Kiss and Beethoven in the same room . . . even near the end, Bob would hold his Blackberry in his trembling hands and fumble through the apps, trying to find his Pandora station. . . I'd gently take it from his hands, find his music, hit play and fold his fingers back around his phone, so he'd have it close and could listen—to anything, from Joe Satriani to Elvis to a Mariachi band station, I am so not kidding . . .

Anyhow, I wanted to somehow, someway, get the list out to those who are music freaks like Bob was, and who might want to hear/see the playlist of some of the artists that Bob loved. This is by no means a definitive or true representation of Bob's tastes and I know I've left countless artists and songs out; his was as wide and varied as music itself. An 80's rocker at heart, his tastes ran the gamut from breathless classical to searing metal, and everything in between. Even country had a place in Bob's repertoire (Lucinda Williams, Johnny Cash . . .)

I added the playlist to Ping, a social network for music through iTunes. If you have iTunes, you have Ping, and should be able to find the list there, under my name. I am still trying to figure out Ping, so that's about all I can tell you about it right now. The list there had to be heavily edited because Ping would only allow 100 songs per playlist.

If you don't have access to Ping, here's the playlist, in its unabridged version (my version, that is. Not Bob's). The asterisked songs are the ones I had to omit from Ping (and believe me, it was like cutting an appendage off my own body, severing those songs from the list . . . and a feeling of panic, knowing that the list I did include was such a pathetic representation of what Bob himself would have chosen . . . ).

Enjoy, and remember fondly, as you listen to a song or two, the beloved man who has left a gaping, gasping, unfillable (there's one of my made-up words again) hole in my world . . . I could continue adding to this list till the end of time and never come close to filling the void . . .

Always With Me, Always With You—Joe Satriani Surfing With The Alien

Keep Me in Your Heart—Warren Zevon The Wind

I Wanna Be Sedated—­­The Ramones Rhino Hi-Five: Ramones - EP

*Wild Wild Life—Talking Heads The Best of Talking Heads

You Shook Me All Night Long—AC/DC Back In Black

Rag Doll—Aerosmith Big Ones

The Other Side—Aerosmith Big Ones

More Than Words Can Say—Billy Squier Happy Blue

Grasping For Oblivion—Billy Squier Happy Blue

Stronger—Billy Squier Hear & Now

She Goes Down—Billy Squier 16 Strokes: The Best Of Billy Squier

Everybody Wants You—Billy Squier 16 Strokes: The Best Of Billy Squier

See A Little Light—Bob Mould Workbook

Days Of Rain—Bob Mould Body Of Song

Beethoven: Symphony #6 In F, Op. 68, "Pastoral" - 3. Allegro—Bystrik Režucha: Slovak Philharmonic Orchestra The Best Of Beethoven

Bach: Concerto In C For 2 Harpsichords, BWV 1061 – Vivace—Christine Schornsheim; Raphael Alpermann: Berlin Academy For Early Music Instruments Of Classical Music - The Harpsichord

Bach: Brandenburg Concerto #5 In D, BWV 1050 - 2. Affettuoso—Christiane Jaccottet; Max Pommer: New Leipzig Collegium Musicum Instruments Of Classical Music - The Harpsichord

Mustang Sally—The Commitments The Commitments

Fire Woman—The Cult Sonic Temple

Sun King—The Cult Sonic Temple

Yankee Rose—David Lee Roth Eat 'Em And Smile

That's Life—David Lee Roth Eat 'Em And Smile

Heartbreak Hotel—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

Love Me Tender—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

All Shook Up—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

Can't Help Falling In Love—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

A Little Less Conversation—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World—Israel Kamakawiwo'ole Facing Future

*You Belong To Me—Jason Wade Shrek Soundtrack

Satch Boogie—Joe Satriani Surfing With The Alien

Longest Days—John Mellencamp Life, Death, Love and Freedom

Learning How to Live—Lucinda Williams

Enter Sandman—Metallica Metallica

Looks That Kill—Mötley Crüe Live: Entertainment Or Death

Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)—Mötley Crüe Live: Entertainment Or Death

I Got The Feelin'—Neil Diamond The Greatest Hits 1966-1992

Sweet Caroline—Neil Diamond The Greatest Hits 1966-1992

Cherry, Cherry—Neil Diamond The Greatest Hits 1966-1992

Mama, I'm Coming Home—Ozzy Osbourne No More Tears

Road To Nowhere—Ozzy Osbourne No More Tears

Unskinny Bop —Poison Poison's Greatest Hits 1986-1996

*Steady As She Goes—The Raconteurs Anywhere Anytime: Outdoor Conditioning

Cars (Live)—Gary Numan Super Hits of the '80s

Brass In Pocket—Pretenders The Singles

*I Fought the Law—Green Day I Fought the Law

*Tainted Love—Soft Cell The Very Best of Soft Cell

One Way or Another—Blondie The Best of Blondie

Stay Up Late—Talking Heads Little Creatures

Middle of the Road—Pretenders The Singles

*American Idiot—Green Day American Idiot

And She Was—Talking Heads The Best of Talking

My Doorbell—The White Stripes My Doorbell

Something To Believe In—Poison Poison's Greatest Hits 1986-1996

I Would Die 4 U—Prince & The Revolution Purple Rain

The Beautiful Ones—Prince & The Revolution Purple Rain

*I'm On My Way—The Proclaimers Shrek Soundtrack

Down On Him—Pursuit Of Happiness Love Junk

When The Sky Comes Falling Down—Pursuit Of Happiness Love Junk

Man's Best Friend—Pursuit Of Happiness Love Junk

Hallelujah—Rufus Wainwright Shrek Soundtrack

You Bet Your Life—Rush Roll The Bones

Dreamline—Rush Roll The Bones

Little Green Men—Steve Vai Flex-Able

The Attitude Song—Steve Vai Flex-Able

In My Dreams With You—Steve Vai Sex & Religion

Here & Now—Steve Vai Sex & Religion

Life Without You—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble Greatest Hits

Pride And Joy—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble Greatest Hits

The Sky Is Crying—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble The Sky Is Crying

Empty Arms—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble The Sky Is Crying

You and I Will Meet Again—Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers Into the Great Wide Open

Philips: Galiarda Dolorosa—Ton Koopma Instruments Of Classical Music - The Harpsichord
Scarlatti (D): Sonata In E, K 380, "Cortège" —Ton Koopman Instruments Of Classical Music - The Harpsichord
*Scarlatti (D): Sonata In C, K 153—Ton Koopman Instruments Of Classical Music - The Harpsichord
Bach: Minuets 1 & 2 In G Major/Minor, BWV Ahn 114 & 115—Walter Heinz Bernstein Instruments Of Classical Music - The Harpsichord

Spam—Weird Al Yankovic The Food Album

Eat It—Weird Al Yankovic The Food Album

Shoot To Thrill—AC/DC Back In Black

*Best Years Of Our Lives—Baha Men Shrek Soundtrack

Happy Blues—Billy Squier Happy Blue

Long Way To Fall—Billy Squier Happy Blue

Don't Say You Love Me—Billy Squier Hear & Now

Tied Up—Billy Squier Hear & Now

She's A Runner—Billy Squier 16 Strokes: The Best Of Billy Squier

Don't Let Me Go—Billy Squier 16 Strokes: The Best Of Billy Squier

One Way Or Another—Blondie The Best Of Blondie

Dreaming—Blondie Greatest Hits

Missing You—Bob Mould Body Of Song

Circles—Bob Mould Body Of Song

Heartbreak A Stranger—Bob Mould Workbook

Lonely Afternoon—Bob Mould Workbook

*This Cat's On A Hot Tin Roof—The Brian Setzer Orchestra The Dirty Boogie

Jump Jive An' Wail—The Brian Setzer Orchestra The Dirty Boogie

Red Headed Woman—Bruce Springsteen Bruce Springsteen In Concert - MTV Unplugged (Live)

*Take Me To The River—The Commitments The Commitments

*In The Midnight Hour—The Commitments The Commitments

Soldier Blue—The Cult Sonic Temple

Tobacco Road—David Lee Roth Eat 'Em And Smile

Love Me Two Times—The Doors Greatest Hits

*Love Her Madly—The Doors Greatest Hits

Burning Love—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

*We'll Meet Again—Johnny Cash American IV: The Man Comes Around

*I've Been Everywhere—Johnny Cash Unchained

Nothing Else Matters —Metallica Metallica

Home Sweet Home—Mötley Crüe Live: Entertainment Or Death

Girls, Girls, Girls—Mötley Crüe Live: Entertainment Or Death

Time After Time—Ozzy Osbourne No More Tears

Ride The Wind—Poison Poison's Greatest Hits 1986-1996

Sense of Purpose—Pretenders The Isle of View (Live)

When Doves Cry—Prince & The Revolution Purple Rain

Neurotica—Rush Roll The Bones

Face Up—Rush Roll The Bones

Love Blood—Steve Vai The Elusive Light And Sound Vol. 1

The Boy-Girl Song—Steve Vai Flex-Able

Touching Tongues—Steve Vai Sex & Religion

Tightrope—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble Greatest Hits

Taxman—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble Greatest Hits

Close To You—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble The Sky Is Crying

Couldn't Stand The Weather—Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble Greatest Hits

Home—Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros Up From Below

*This Old House—The Brian Setzer Orchestra The Dirty Boogie

*You Got To Me—Neil Diamond The Greatest Hits 1966-1992

Jailhouse Rock—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

A Big Hunk O' Love—Elvis Presley Elvis 30 #1 Hits

Detroit Rock City—3:58 Kiss Alive II

Hard Luck Woman (Live)—Kiss Alive II

Larger Than Life—Kiss Alive II

Rockin' In The USA—Kiss Alive II

All American Man—Kiss Alive II

Amazing—Aerosmith Big Ones

Call Me—Blondie The Best Of Blondie

You're The Boss—The Brian Setzer Orchestra The Dirty Boogie

*Come On Eileen—Dexy's Midnight Runners Don't Quit Music: '80s

*Whip It—Devo Devo: Greatest Hits

*Hole Hearted—Extreme The Best of Extreme: An Accidental Collocation of Atoms

*Holiday—Green Day Holiday - Single

*Bridge Over Troubled Water—Johnny Cash American IV: The Man Comes Around

Personal Jesus—Johnny Cash American IV: The Man Comes Around

*Too Shy—Kajagoogoo White Feathers

*So Alive—Love and Rockets Love and Rockets

Bob's Memorial Service (additional info . . . )

A quick note: we would like to invite any and all of Bob's friends, colleagues, enemies ;) —whomever — to share a story, a fond memory, a poem, prayer, song, whatever is in your heart, at the service tomorrow . . . don't worry that there's not "enough time" to polish it, make it perfect, or be "just right," don't care at all if you might be scared or mess up, because if you knew Bob at all, you know he'd be the first to say, "Screw that! Just say what you gotta say!" We'd love to hear the wide and varied stories, memories, snippets from other's experiences and perspectives . . .

We'll announce during the service, when the time comes, for "story time . . . "

Celebration of Life service for Bob Andrzejek

Please join us in Celebrating the Beautiful Life of Bob Andrzejek, to be held this Friday at the Dakota Lodge in West St. Paul (see details below). I know it's such short notice, but we're trying to work with visiting families' schedules and Mother's Day weekend, and quite frankly, if Bob had had his way, the service wouldn't be happening at all. He never liked being the center of attention or being fussed over, so I'm also trying to be respectful of his wishes and not make a huge deal out of it (though in my book, he is a huge deal . . .).

I extend an invitation to anyone who knew Bob, to share a fond memory or two about him at the event . . . and in lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to the U of M Raptor Center, in Bob's honor, or to the Ronald McDonald House . . . or, perhaps simply use the money to do something you'd really like to do—go out to dinner, buy a new spring outfit, take a little weekend get-away, head to Valley Fair . . . in other words, use it to enjoy and embrace life, the way Bob did, and the way he would want you to . . .

A Celebration of Life, in honor of Bob Andrzejek

Friday, May 6 at 3 p.m.

at the Dakota Lodge in Thompson Park

1200 Stassen Lane, West St. Paul 55118

Driving Directions
(Driving directions for the park and Dakota Lodge are the same)

From North

• I-94 to State Hwy 52
• State Hwy 52 south to Butler Avenue exit in West St Paul, Minnesota
• West on Butler Avenue East 0.2 miles to Stassen Lane
• South on Stassen Lane

From South

• I-494 to State Hwy 52
• State Hwy 52 north to Butler Avenue exit in West St Paul, Minnesota
• West on Butler Avenue East 0.2 miles to Stassen Lane
• South on Stassen Lane

December 27, 1966 - May 3, 2011 . . .

Bob passed away at home this evening, around 6 pm. Sun was shining, glowing through the barely-there baby leaves on the trees in the backyard. The kind of afternoon that would have prompted him to sling his camera bag over his shoulder and head off to Afton or William O'Brien for a few hours alone . . . his dad was by his side when he took his last breath. I believe he planned it that way. . .

love to all.

Longest Days . . .

I have finally run out of words, so I'm going to let the venerable everymanandwoman's poet, Mr. John Mellencamp, speak for me tonight. . .

Longest Days

Seems like once upon a time ago

I was where I was supposed to be

my vision was true and my heart was too

There was no end to what I could dream

I walked like a hero into the setting sun

Everyone called out my name

Death to me was just a mystery

I was too busy raising up Cain

But nothing lasts forever

Your best efforts don't always pay

Sometimes you get sick and you don't get better

Life is short, even in its longest days

So you pretend not to notice

That everything has changed

Way that you look and the friends you once had

So you keep on acting the same

Deep down in your soul

You know you, you got no flame

And who knows then, which way to go

Life is short, even in its longest days

All I got here is a rear view mirror

Reflections of where I've been

So you tell yourself I'll be back up on top some day

But you know there's nothing waiting for you up there anyway

Nothing lasts forever

And your best efforts don't always pay

Sometimes you get sick and you don't get better

That's when life is short, even in its longest days

Life is short, even in its longest days

We are having some long days out here at Wrenwood . . . long, sad days. . . the courageous, humbling, awe-inspiring fight is nearing the end and I don't know if I'll ever stop crying. The suffering has gone on far too long, but I still can't help feeling cheated, oh so cheated . . . please pray that Bob goes peacefully, let him know, in any way you know how, that he doesn't have to fight any longer, tell him that his spirit will enveloped and held tight, with all the love in the world . . .